Battle of two

 We experienced being supressed

It's the country's law

Not on the paper but we all know

I feel one thing that leads to problems is this,

It ain't ones problem, if its past

But someone has to come up

And take a stand; for the ones who needs help

the ones who's life is miserable as shit, hear me just al'right

If I hold a gun and stand the other side,

I can't be like but I love you child.

But that's how it is cause children are defenseless,

Has no tools and resources

No fucking options not a clue

Nobody to tell him what to do

In this battle of two, sides

one is getting to know the world 

and the other being an asshole.

How much cn i blame them, they have full control

Does too much power leads to insanity

Unchecked power leads to chatastrope to unknowns

Dont kill is as low as it goes.

Fuck his mind, fuck his life, we don't care at all

It starts with raising hands and the faith is lost.

Locked inside bathroom the rage is born

First time there is no backup in a trouble, the trust is lost.

The first time they couldn't do expected and the self-esteem is lost

And now it flashes how he was beaten as a kid.

Pushed outside on streets and whacked on the streets

You are expected to not scream, as you are their bitch

Nobody is there to help these kids

Slap that 7 year old, Slap the shit out of him

Cause he won't stop and now he whines like a bitch

So he is treated more horrible than this. 

But it's not the things but your face on it

That's the worst of all of it.

What I love is the excuse for this,

It's my business what I do with my kids.

Power trip makes him feel like a God but he looks, he feels and he acts evil

I need an excuse for this,

I need to fuck this bitch to raise it right

I fulfill my duties and I pay for him

I need to make him learn, he is bloody mine

This is Insanity, Its violence and crime, And crime is crime

He is not your property and it is not finr

Giving birth doesn't give you that right

Or women should be allowed to kill poeple 

As many as number of child she conceives

But I am his parent, I had good intentions

I did all this to raise him right

And well you know there is so much stress

They should understands we love them

NO! No No No! Nothig gives you the right to abuse a child

Physically hurt them and inflict pain upon them

What difference is there only if it from hand or a dick

For you to come to awareness? 

You better find something to get help off

To boost your ego or control yourselves

Don't think it won't come back to bite behind you

You took the devil and give a face to it.

Where would you go and whine later

The biggest losers are the ones who love you the most

The governments like to pull gun on shoulders of others

Youth! Youth! and future kids!

But the youth is lost

To the dark side, to the shit that slide. 

Throwing themselves to all kinds of shit

cause little rascals are born to deal with everything 

before their necks can handle their heads

Yes that's right depression is Imagination

All we need is 5 Almonds and Cashew and Gods prayers

Cause we slid into hell 

How much will it take to put counselling or check ups in rules.

It can only provide more jobs

Millions of dollars thrown for a fighter jets

Not a single policy to save your dying kids ass

It's not a matter of family,

It's not a matter of nation 

Its the only way to save our children

From rapes, viokence and dark imitations

This is no sweet art to make feel good

Cause I witnessed them bringing change is none

I don't care who the fuck are you

If you stand against Children Bitch fuck you

Words aren't enough to explain the suffering at such a young age

But the question is in your crusade to be God and hide behind loving your child

Did you ever thought of involving them too

Here I will dumb it down for you

Just throw your virtue, it do shit for society

I don't know if you ever noticed but newflash bitch

It doesnt gives two shakes of rats ass innit

Don't you think these kids deserve a chance?

These kids fighting from under the pillows they are suffocated in

from the people drowning them

from fathers who don't understand themselves but throwing them

on the edges of furniture face down tearing their face apart

the mother who needs to secure herself so she won't back from bitching in

securing her safety and power in the house she is in

from the tormented brother who doesn't know shit expect that abusing helps him release

from the Mind that wanna give up

the Soul that's breaking, caving in

the heart that's destroyed

They are fightinhg themselves to keep sanity; from murdering and suicide

They are fightinh themselves against themselves to borrow time,

time to fix themselves 

and they are loosing

loosing this fight and their hopes and all they could be

And they are struggling

Struggling to not shove up, that pen in his pocket to the jugular vein

when they are being chocked up

against the wall, as they are losing the sight

But they take it for a mother and collapsed only to find out nothing has changed

Struggling to not throw some one infront of a moving train,

CAuse this dude showed up with three more to take on him

Struggling to not press his thumb into eyeballs

Struggling to not solve this problem once and for all

Just so that women who gave birth to them doesn't have to cry for rest of her life.

Is right and wrong, good and bad bad even real???

Freeing from oneself:

Often people went on being the same person through life, which is completely fine. But there are also people who go on to being the same person throughout their life, constantly fighting it, constantly trying to be not that person. It sounds horrible and it can be a bad experience, trying hard for one thing throughout your life, safe to say every moment, and not getting there. Most of us know what is bad and what is good. It may vary from person to person but we all have an idea of what is good and bad. Most of our decisions and moments/time are spent making the right ones. Deep down we all want to make good decisions, at least for ourselves. But no matter how hard we try and how strictly we adhere to these rules, it doesn’t seem to pay what a righteous rule must bring to the table. Sometimes we follow what is supposed to be good but it does not even feel better, other times we get mad we feel betrayed that we have followed all there is to be in the right direction, to be the right person and what do we get in return? We still end up feeling shitty, bad, exhausted and stressed from figuring out what is the right thing to do and pulling ourselves through all that experience. And no matter how hard we tried, no matter how tough it got for us we get nothing of sorts that makes us good about the decisions we take. Say, you tried to help somebody because that is what you are supposed and there is nothing, you don’t get paid back by the friend you landed money to, people don’t care to return the favor when you helped them in need. You still give it try after try until you are fed up. You feel so mad and exhausted you want to have nothing to do with anyone anymore that is if you can let it go, if not there is always getting back to them one way or the other. There is a tiny possibility that this is the reason society at large is accused by people of making their life miserable cause we are good, but the way it is supposed to be or taught to be is not how it works.
Now if we look into the idea of good and bad, right and wrong if there is one thing for certain we all have it. We might have acquired it from our guardians, people around us, strangers who were kind enough to share their words, or on our own from how we felt in different situations, like a stray animal being abused, being at the receiving end of something terrible. We all have an outline that guides us throughout life and sometimes even if we don’t want to follow it, that doesn’t come easy. There is a push, a doing which feels like forcing ourselves to do something we don’t/are not sure to want to, and even if we are unsure we will do it cause breaking that thing that feels like is somehow responsible for our misery (some people might even feel like who are they fighting anyway). If this comes from a logical and understanding conversation there are questions, and confusions challenging whole life as you know it, and questions that make us look like fools in our own eyes for a while because it is challenging everything ever done.
 At first, obviously, it looks like nothing, it’s like ice cream to a kid or drinking water for an adult. How can it be bad? But it does control and influence our lives. It is one of the things we are most attached to, it defines us because deep down we all are good and this proves that. We are guarded and fearful of this idea because if this idea is challenged, we are challenged, us being good is challenged, the way we have lived life is challenged, some may argue, our existence is challenged, and result, anger. But what we have learned doesn’t rhymes with us, some get it over soon, some keep fighting, and some give in and call it like these are the ones who have understood that to be at ease with things is necessary for them and they keep doing what they feel is right and doesn’t bother with how it comes up later, not a bad idea. This is just the beginning, the tendencies change to wanting other people to act the way one seems right because that is right for them, it is what was essential for them throughout their life. This is how it should be done or it becomes a challenge, to the person and his being.

Now to the solution, which is supposed to be this complex web of logic but fortunately like most of the great things in life come from logic so simple it is unbelievable that it can be actually an answer to timeless hardships for everyone. In certain situations, certain things seem right, in others, the same things might feel different, the aspect that covers all of life as we know it. Turning down a friend might seems not good, but even if not provided with help it doesn’t need to define anyone as bad at least. But this is exactly how it works, putting everything into black and white while life is different shades of grey. So in the few scenarios discussed this clearly doesn’t seem to work. It deprives us of feeling good if doing good doesn’t even make us feel good as you might not feel like helping this friend because you don’t feel like it. You don’t know exactly what but it doesn’t feel like it. Maybe they are not as old or you haven’t reached that level with them or simply they don’t have your trust. So what do you do? You go along with what feels right at the moment, you go with doing what makes you feel better, you do it for you, you do it cause you felt like it and don’t judge yourself. The whole idea of right and wrong is about judging oneself, judging from another person’s perspective, judging from society’s perspective, what it should be, and judging from what you felt should it be 2 years ago. Contradict yourself contradict everybody be who you are in the moment, be what makes you feel better, not the idea of you but true you, be you! And if it means having skeletons in your basement (RE: skeletons in your closet) then be it but it should make you feel good/happy or better and not give you a rip-off version of it.                                 

Your truth.

Your truth is what you give attention to, what you believe or allow yourself to believe. This shapes your experience, your truth is what you are living and not what is happening around you, different people in same situations see it differently because of what they give their attention to. Some of us want to get away from the life we are living, we are tired of same things in our mind, repeating and it is exhausting and sickening and we want something different for us. Tired of living and being as the same person and trying hard to be somebody else, more fun, loving, happy, you get the idea.
There is a popular phrase, ‘fake it till you make it’ or ‘pretend you are happy and eventually your smile will be contagious to yourself’. The later one is more powerful to more people. However, it requires heart; it requires showing you are happy. It might not work for all or all scenarios. Nevertheless, there is an escape, ‘see your past as you want, instead of seeing it as you know you have lived it.’ Point being there have been good times, bad times, times you saw yourselves as failures, times you disappointed somebody you did not wanted to and other times yourselves. However, if you allow yourself to look at things in the way that makes you feel great and makes you feel how you want to feel, you might be able to live with yourself despite of being the same person who had to make choices that didn't work out or the person you want to give up on if you just see the lesser side of. Sure, there will still be things that would want you pull back to your hole. If you are doing this than you probably have decided and if you have decided it already why bother fight it? I want to emphasize this, Ignore it because you want to feel a certain way and nothing else matters. Ignore what's taking you other way and stay on track with how you would want to feel at any given time, how you want to live while you live, even if it's about past ignore what's not taking you to how you want to feel or be. When you find somebody you can have a deep conversation, release it if it's needed.
Heart wants what it wants, if that is what your heart want have no doubts and grab it. Give it a shot and see for yourself if it seems harmful. Practice it for a few days, practical shows all there it is to see, known for yourself if you are a wanderer in search. In addition, if you do try this, remember nothing else matters, results would be positive if you find yourself happy and more content. Moreover, within a few days of time the remaining doubts will clear out themselves.

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The most innocently and higly collectively we were wrong was when we thought there is some common benchmark of intellect, behaviours and sense all humans have.

The breakdown of people who have been through a lot and only likes to see themselves as a tough one.

PART 1

I have always known/felt that deep down I have always been sensitive, emotional, helpless, weak, and succumbed to fate.
With everything that has happened, it made me feel it/that way, even more, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to feel that way.
Even if I would have accepted these feelings, it wouldn’t have helped. Eventually, I would have felt ‘hurt’. Hurting is where going away from them (feelings/situations or people who remind or project the same feelings onto oneself) starts. Hurting reminds us that there are these feelings, it’s there and there is nothing you can do about them.
So I started rejecting these feelings, avoiding them, telling myself otherwise, and feeling other emotions to control them (mostly anger). The far the better, so everything that took me even further i.e. being crazy angry, avoiding emotions, and being/reaching a certain traumatizing psychotic state was all fine, in fact, a better and much more powerful place to be.
At all miserable times, at first, I started to accept this entire situation I got in as fate, whatever happens, happens. Until I could no more until it started and eventually successfully manage to break me again and again, over and over again to dust. I couldn’t be ‘me’ anymore. So I had to bring in necessary changes that in a manner evolved me (at least to the particular crisis I was facing). So much so, I wanted to hurt myself too, not just others, not just me; directly or by doing things the consequences of which showed the possibility of haunting the rest of my life in many different ways. Maybe, that’s what evil is, you go too far away from yourself.

PART 2

And what is to be blamed?

Maybe what it is showing is the scale of how life can turn, it has the possibility of pure magnificent and pure evil at the same time. However, not all good is all good, if the intention is to change things to pure magnificent. Surprisingly, sometimes the best comes from the worse, unbelievable but acceptable. Comfort, for example, may turn people into simply lazy but it’s not snatching it away that brings productivity either, now, bringing one to the better extent of the scale is definitely not something that can be controlled. But the way to be on the favorable side to the best possible extent is to make your mind at ease, moving towards appreciating oneself, altogether making the world a better place to be in, in your mind. However, if the desire is to reach to the worse extent possible, we already are there.

Quote 41

Perfection makes it artificial. It has to be perfect in it's own ways.

99

There is something about the number 99 in context with cricket which is quite beautiful. 99 is about moments. The moments which are not very big like crossing 10,000 runs mark or 100 wicket mark. 99 is the runs made by a batsman. This very moment is when the people show up the most confidence, they cheer you up, they want to see you succeed and you even get to enjoy it by making that run with a four or even better a six. This moment and it's aura doesn't stand long and wouldn't make much difference. But it makes the difference to a match. It makes that match memorable. It makes you feel you gave it your best. And when you don't reach 99 there is always another time.